A Tender Return

Hello. Hola. Bonjour (No, I’m not going to turn this into a Tinie Tempah song).

As you’ve very well noticed, I haven’t blogged in an extremely long time. I’ve taken a bit of a mental health break recently, which has included a break from my blogging.

I’ve been very unmotivated recently and I can barely find the will in me to even pick up a book anymore. It’s awful.

I’m sorry for the lack of communication. It will take a while. I’m trying.

I had a bit of a blip today so encouraged by the suggestion of a friend I thought I would try and channel my depression and lowness into something productive.

I’m going to try and make something every week (just to get back into the swing of creating and writing again).

I hope you guys understand and enjoy this slightly different content.

Here’s the first in the VETIA (Vlog Every Thursday in April) series!

 

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Unmotivation & ‘The Crisis of Unfinished Books’

Unmotivation and the crisis of unfinished books

I’ve been feeling very unmotivated recently. I don’t know if it’s the stress of upcoming exams, the  thought of the looming unknown, or the fear of failing. It’s like my brain has temporarily shut down enjoyment for the things that used to keep me preoccupied: reading, writing,video making,  cross-stitching…blogging.

I’ve started so many books and just left them there, waiting – something which would have really freaked me out in my younger years. ‘The Crisis of Unfinished Books’, I used to be irrationally terrified of leaving a book hanging (I still sort of am), even if I really wasn’t enjoying it. Just the thought that I may never get the opportunity to ever finish a particular book again in my life scared me, regardless of if it was the most boring or trivial book in the world. I guess it’s linked with my fear of death, the fear of leaving things unfinished, of not knowing. I used to convince myself that I might start enjoying X unfinished book if I carried on reading a little more, or that once I reached the conclusion I might have a different perspective.  I still remember the first ever book I never finished, ‘War Horse’ by Michael Morpurgo. I’ve met him.  Will I regret not finishing it? I barely remember what happens in it.

And although I’ve slightly come to terms with the fact that I will never get to read and finish everything, know everything, even do everything, it still pains me a little knowing I won’t, this small figment of my childhood fear digging at me, not leaving me alone. I’m scared. I’m scared of ‘The Crisis of Unfinished Books’. And this recent bout of unmotivation has rekindled this fear.

I have had so many ideas weave in and out of my brain recently, post ideas, video ideas, plans, but I just can’t manage to get them done. I mentally plan how much I need to do and I’m already excited for my recent  lightbulb of an idea when I realise I haven’t even touched on the first yet. And then it disappears. FLASH. Unmotivation.

Unfinished books, unstarted plans.


I’m sorry for this rambly post,  I had to get all of my thoughts out of the way before the battle between the lack of activity on here and the abundance of ideas in my head got too much.

I appreciate if you’ve managed to read through this chaotic look into my head. Have any of you experienced anything similar?

Thanks for 60 WordPress followers. I can’t believe that many of you have read through my rambles and thoughts.  I truly am grateful.

As always,

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A Little Christmas Message + TBT#9: Scribbleboy by Philip Ridley

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A Little Christmas Message

So I know sometimes how hard it is when people are telling you to “be happy, it’s Christmas!” and you just can’t. But try and distract yourself as much as you can. Do things you enjoy, read a book (eh!), watch a film or binge on some shows – whatever it takes. And try and relax as much as possible! I mean it’s not every day you get to watch endless movies over a period of time without feeling guilty!

And of course, eat yummy food and spend plenty of time with family and friends.

I wish all my lovely readers a happy holidays and a merry Christmas!

And now on with the show!


TBT #9: Scribbleboy by Philip Ridley
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Transcript

I really like Philip Ridley, not because he wrote Kindlebrax (that’s the book we read in year 3) but because he has really imaginative ideas for his stories. I can’t believe Scibbleboy (well, Scribblegirl) was actually Tiffany, Monty’s fionce [sic] (now his wife), at the beggining, end [sic] I thought it was Bailey’s ancestors, since Bailey was as good as scribbling as Scribblegirl.

I would never want a mum like Ziggy’s who every time she feels she needs cheering up or feels like it puts on disco music and makes everyone dance by saying things like “Come on!”, “Let’s shimmy and shake!”, “Strutt your stuff!” .

But not only,that, every character in the book has their own way of speaking.

BAILEY SILK! BAILEY SILK!
DON’T LET THE SCRIBBLING END!
BAILEY SILK! BAILEY SILK!
COME BACK AND BE OUR FRIEND!


Nice chant at the end there I guess!?

I tended to go on many tangents and just leave them abruptly and move on to the next one.  I hope I’m not like that still!

Anywho. Last Throwback Thursday of 2015! (I’ve got something a little different for next week)

Hasta luego,

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Work Shadowing David Plumb, Digital Director at O2 and Telefonica

So I know this is very different to my normal bookish stuff but I want a record of this once-in-a-lifetime experience!  A couple of weeks ago I applied for a number of work shadowing opportunities through ‘Go Think  Big’ (it’s an awesome website which has all sorts of opportunities- it really is great!).

I beat out lots of applications to shadow the digital director of O2, David Plumb. I know I want to go into a career either digitally or creatively based so I thought this would give me a good idea as to what one branch of it consisted. So on Monday the 18th of May 2015 (the day before my Spanish and Philosophy exam, mind!) I set out on my journey to Slough, headquarters of O2.

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My first impression was about just how big the place was – literally, it had its own WHSmiths and Starbucks and everything!! – then after signing in I got a free coffee voucher (score!) And then finally when the PA Jacqui  came to meet me she was so friendly that it honestly put me so much at ease.

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I then proceeded to shadow David during a number of meetings which I already knew about thanks to the itinerary emailed to me before hand (a huge relief for the anxiety ridden hypochondriac within me). Everybody was so nice and welcoming considering I was essentially a random intruder (sorry I can’t name everyone -I’m horrendous with names!!) and even though the meetings were really finance based, which is something I now know I definitely don’t want to get into (although I did manage to understand some of it which was an achievement in itself!) the whole day made me appreciate just how much effort and planning goes into a single decision – not just planning for beforehand but also so that the company can be one step ahead at all times! It also made me aware of just how essential it is to have an engaged and passionate team that work together. In addition, I liked how everybody had their own strengths to offer so that ideas were bounced off one another and and all things could be considered and discussed. It completely changed my original perception of work as a very serious, heads down, work-by-yourself sort of situation!

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Overall, it was an excellent experience, I want to thank every single person who made me feel so welcome at the digital team at O2 and I would honestly recommend it to anyone looking for an honest insight into the digital world of work.

Update + Are We Really All Charlie?

The first bit is just a little update and explanation for my absence. If you want to see the actual blog post feel free to skip the beginning 🙂

Update…

You can say it. I’m horrible and I lied. I won’t judge you. But yes, all these great plans I had went down the drain. I sincerely apologise. I honestly do.The summer holidays (or ‘vacation’ for you Americans) turned into the new school year, which then turned into the Christmas holidays, after which I had mock exams to prepare for, and before long I realised that I’d left my blog abandoned for five months. This 2015 I decided that it was time to get my act together and one of my resolutions (which always turn out so well) is to write more. So here goes. I shall not make any schedule promises for fear of disappointment, mainly to myself. So here goes to a year of great blogging!

…And here’s the actual blog post

Masses of people turn up in their thousands across every main landmark in every main city in the world. All loaded with their many signs and words and coated in a suit of solidarity. ‘Je Suis Charlie’ they chant, huddled together and screaming freedom in their loads. A plethora of flags stand out against the greying crowds; unity, compassion, and understanding. Together they form a wall of unmovable magnitude; a bankrupt magazine becomes one million, then three, and five million it produces.  ‘All is forgiven’.

‘Is it really?’ one asks oneself. Look at it this way. I condemn murder with every beat of my heart, for whatever reason it may be and whatever reasons are given. Killing is absolutely and undoubtedly wrong. But so are abuse, hatred and discrimination. If I were to call someone ugly in school, or in the workplace, that is unquestionably offensive. If I criticised their appearance again and again that would be called bullying, a form of abuse, and would still be deemed offensive, even hateful.  That behaviour would not be tolerated and it would certainly not be categorised under freedom of speech, because even though, yes, we are each entitled to our own opinions, outwardly speaking an opinion that is deemed as hurtful is frowned upon. We are taught from a young age that bullying is wrong, that we should be kind and love one another, and if there really is someone we don’t like, which is inevitably true to everyone, to keep our thoughts to ourselves and “beat them with kindness”.

So why is this any different? This magazine which has continuously published sexist, Islamophobic and anti-Semitic material, material that causes offence and incites hatred, is accepted and fought for. If abuse is not permitted on an individual basis, it certainly should not be permitted on a mass basis, where even more people are hurt by it. There is a line between simply being allowed to speak out about your political or musical opinions, and disrespecting huge populations of the world. There is no humour in being spiteful.

Why are we all demonstrating under the name of a magazine that injured and made fun of so many people’s cultures and beliefs? Why can’t we all be Ahmed, the Muslim police officer who died in defending the very people who offended his religion, or Lassana Bathily, who hid customers during the supermarket shootings, saving 15 precious lives?

We should strive to aim for global unity,a unity that can’t be attained whilst hatred continues to exist, and we should honour those who act selflessly to protect others.

So finally: ‘Je suis l’unité’